Table of contents

Warnings that aren’t read

My wife bought two new bedside table-lamps recently.  Last week I finally got around to opening the boxes, fitting some light globes (not supplied – of course) and placing them in their appointed location.  On opening the boxes I glanced at the product information leaflet included with each lamp.  After a brief introduction that extoled the benefits of the product there was a list of safety warnings.  In fact there were fourteen of them.

Stone the crows!  Why do we need a list of fourteen warnings for a simple product such as a table lamp?  The producers were obviously not aware, that when the Lord God gave us moral warnings for life, He limited Himself to the Big Ten.  Even Ten Commandments for a Table Lamp would have been excessive in my books – but Fourteen Commandments for Table Lamps…?  You’ve got to be joking.

Of course there was one warning that I did need to know: I must not fit a light globe that is more than 40 watts.  If I ignore that warning and fit a 100 watt light globe I might end up with a fire next to my bed.  But did I really need to be warned that this is not a toy and that I must not let children play with it?  And the warning that the lamp does get hot seems to me to be stating the obvious.  And why would anyone in their right mind tamper with the lamp’s electrical cord anyway?

Fourteen Commandments for a Table Lamp – that says something about the kind of culture we live in.  I try to imagine the highly improbable situation in which parents allows their toddler to play with the bed-side lamp.  The child eventually manages to take out the light globe and put its little fingers in the socket – with fatal consequences.  Those parents – in todays’ culture – are likely to sue the lamp’s manufacturer for damages – including the emotional trauma caused to the parents by the death of their child.  So they employ some smart legal company that promises that there will be no costs if they don’t win the case.  That lamp manufacturer is now faced with a million-dollar law-suit.  But… wait a moment.  There was that product-information sheet with its Fourteen Commandments for Table Lamps.  And one of those Commands was, “Thou shalt not allow thy children to use the lamp as a toy.”  Case dismissed!  These people had been warned.

I think back to the time I bought my last car and opened that car’s User’s Manual.  Page after page had yellow triangles with exclamation marks in them – each one followed by a list of several warnings.  Some of them were quite generic: “Accidents and injuries can occur if drivers are distracted.”  Really?  Sometimes product warnings make you smile.  Like the flat-pack chair that I opened only to find INSIDE the box a product-assembly sheet that contained this warning: Please do not use knife to open any parts of the box or product.  Too late!  I already did.

It’s tempting to think that product manufacturers are really concerned for your safety and well-being as their customer.  Well, I hate to disillusion you.  It’s all about avoiding possible litigation.  That began several decades ago when the owner of a Winnebago decided, while travelling on the highway, to switch over to cruise-control and go into the back to make a cup of coffee.  After the accident his lawyer successfully sued Winnebago for not telling their product owners that cruise-control is not quite the same as autopilot.  Another famous case at the time was the lady who was scalded by a hot coffee that she had bought at McDonalds.  When  she sued, the lawyer won the case by arguing that McDonalds had not exercised its duty of care by warning customers that coffee is hot and can scald you.  Since that time warnings on products have become quite ridiculous.  My flat-pack chair instructions included a warning not to use the chair as a step-ladder.  Thanks for that…!

The upshot is that these days we hardly bother anymore with owners-guides and manufacturer’s instruction-manuals.  Why should I bother reading nearly one-thousand warnings in my car Owner’s Manual?

That brings me back to the warnings in God’s Manufacturer’s Instruction Book.  Too many people don’t bother reading those either.  Sadly, the day will come when they stand before the highest court in the universe only to be told, “Sorry, you were warned!”

John Westendorp